psychedelica | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ he's coming back from the kitchen when he stumbles upon Cardia, quite by accident - but they share the same suite, so he supposes it was inevitable. ]

You... What are you doing out here? I thought you'd be sleeping by now.

[ she didn't seem like the type to deal with death and body-searching well. Hikage, for his part, looks relatively fine - maybe a little tired. More noticeable is the tray he seems to have been carrying back to his room, which has on it a tea kettle and a few cups, as well as a small plate seating some round, dessert-looking snacks. ]

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[ thanks, Hikage. ]

Not exactly... like me. And there was someone who called himself my brother, but--

[ He done got shanked. ]

He's gone?

[ yeah, he can guess that much. ]

That makes you even more impressive - being the only one. It's too bad we're stuck in a place like this.

If we weren't stuck in a place like this, I'd probably still be very dangerous.

That's okay. I just meant I'd like to be able to learn more about you. I've got an interest in... well, alchemy and things like that.

[ to put it in VERY NICE words. however, cardia is now occupying an unusual position in his mind that no one else ever has: as a non-human, he doesn't feel any particular animosity towards her. i can type this introspection because kia already knows hikage's fucking deal. Instead, he's gazing at her with earnest interest. ]

[ yeah Kia sure knows about his fucking deal.

Cardia, however, does not, so really seems more than a tad bewildered at just how interested he looks. ]

Have you practiced it?

A little bit. I think it was something I was doing when I was alive... I don't remember how it started. But even after I died and lost my memories, I liked to read whatever I could about it in the in-between.

[ it's harmless enough to admit this much, he thinks. ]

There were legends of people who tried to create homunculi, but failed. I wasn't aware that it was actually possible.

From what I know, it's very difficult... there were a lot of failed attempts.

... I'm still not sure if it would have been better if I had been a failure, too.

... You'd rather be dead?

[ he blinks at that, looking surprised. ]

I don't know anymore. But hurting people just by existing... isn't something I ever wanted.

[ Elaine... hadn't deserved that. ]

[ oh boy, she's getting upset again. He shifts on his feet, expression uncomfortable. ]

Well... You don't get to choose whether you exist or not. You're here now. You shouldn't take living for granted. [ a pause. ] ... Take it from me.

[ ... Oh, right, he's-- ]

I-- I'm sorry. That was thoughtless.

It's fine. It doesn't bother me anymore.

[ maybe it should, but it doesn't. he just wants it to end. ]

Being dead is lonely, and cold. It's like... being at the bottom of a deep, dark lake. You were granted life, even though you shouldn't be alive. If I were you, I'd be grateful.

I just... have to make sure I don't hurt anyone else.

[ in a murdergame. It's probably fine. ]

I don't think that'll be hard for you.

[ she seems really harmless, frankly, which might be why Hikage can talk to her like this. There's a familiarity in her innocence. ]

... I'll do my best.

[ but also-- ]

Also, thank you for the snack. I should probably get back to my partner now.

- Yeah. My tea's getting cold, anyway.

[ whoops, getting distracted by the interesting homunculus girl next door... he stoops to pick up his tray again, then heads towards his room. ]

Night.

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