The way I died. I wanted to see her again so badly that I broke every rule there was. But once I had, I was more afraid of her seeing what I'd become than death. So I threw it all away. I took this [ he lifts the handgun, gestures at his own head with it ] and blew my head off.

[ he's conversational in tone, like he's talking about someone else. In a sense, he is. ]

But for some reason, I'm still here.