psychedelica | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ unsurprisingly, Hikage is not doing incredibly well after the events of today's trial - partly because of their magnificent failure, but mostly because of what he had to remember. Is it selfish, to be so self-oriented when an innocent man is about to be put to death tomorrow? Most certainly. But Hikage has always been selfish. It's one of the many things about himself that he hates.

He leaves after the trial to be by himself for some time, but eventually, he returns to their room. Just like last time, his partner will find him standing in the room, facing away from her. Unlike last time, he's turning his gun over in his hands in complete silence, staring down at it vaguely. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ she's right

so even though his first instinct is to yank his hand away, he lets her take it, looking up at her miserably. He's been through enough tonight, and he's worn out; he looks more vulnerable than he ever has, even when he got dosed with that love potion. Oddly, his right eye is bright, crimson red, almost glowing - a stark contrast to the regular dark purple-brown. ]

Annoyed... You should hate me. I thought you would...

[ but maybe, inside, he knew she wouldn't, as much as he feels like he deserves it. ]

I've been told that I'm hard to predict.

[ and she's still trying to figure all of this out. stephanie isn't even sure if she'll ever truly understand her feelings on this situation-- there's too much going on. if they weren't currently stuck in a disney hunger games, maybe she would have reacted differently. but the fact is that this is their lives now, and she can't waste time by questioning what she would do if things were different. because they're not. ]

We should go to bed, you know. I have to suffer tomorrow.

[ it's probably a bad idea to keep having a conversation this heavy after everything that's happened. it's been a long and emotional day. ]

...

[ Hikage knows he's not getting any sleep tonight. There's too much on his mind for that - he became used to nights like these a long time ago. He's more surprised that that's her suggestion - that she can take this so lightly. Isn't she afraid that he'll betray her, or hurt her? Isn't she angry that he lied? It's true that he hadn't done anything yet here - or, rather, he hasn't killed anyone himself - but he didn't give her those details. She just knows now how cruel he is. He stares at her, eyes and cheeks still wet, his hand limp in hers. ]

... Aren't you scared?

[ of him? of what's happening tomorrow - of anything? she takes everything in stride, she's so reckless and brave - something he thinks is a virtue as much as it annoys him. ]

[ she looks down at their hands. ]

Anything they do to me, I've already been through worse.

[ it's said with a slight smile, a shrug of her shoulders. the future is uncertain, but that same uncertainty means that there is a chance for something good to come out of it. she can feel that same possibility, resting between her hand and his. ]

I think that we can change things for the better. Even now, after our failure [ she expression sours at that; she's pretty angry at how they convicted the wrong person ] I think that we can still do this. So... I'm a little scared, but I have hope. I'll let that drive me more than the fear.

[ he's afraid to bet on the happy end - every memory he has of doing so resulted in him being let down, disappointed, or hurt. Trusting people doesn't come easily to him. He still doesn't even fully remember the scope of the betrayals he faced, nor the lies he was forced to swallow.

But when he looks at her now, he can see that hope in her eyes. He doesn't understand where it comes from, after everything that's happened to her. ]

... You're strong. Stronger than me. [ he breathes out, softly. ] ... I haven't decided yet. If I'm happier being with you than I am hurting you. The others, too, of course.

[ all this time, this is what he's been worrying over, wondering if something's wrong with him, not knowing what the right answer is. he hadn't intended to ever talk about it. ]

Even knowing that, will you stand by what you said? Do you have that much hope, Stephanie? [ a beat. ] ... Do you think you can convince me?

Yes.

[ her voice is firm, and she squeezes his hand when she says it. ]

I'm pretty convincing, so... we'll see.

[ she can't even really blame him for giving in, especially if he's been alone for so long. but he seems to at least want her to be right, even a little. and that's enough. ]

[ Hikage wonders if it's actually okay to believe in that. But he's gone too far to turn back now; he told her about himself. It's out of his hands. He'd told her with the intention to either be killed by her, or accepted by her, and it seems like the latter is what happened.

For the second time today, someone has seen all of him and accepted him nonetheless.

Maybe this feeling is temporary - she could die tomorrow and seal his fate, or he could be killed off this week in the name of this horrible game. But he's not in the manor in the in-between anymore - and he's not living his old life, either. Maybe it doesn't have to end in suffering. Maybe it could simply end, at long last. And if that's the case, then he can embrace this happiness. It can be real. ]

Then... I'm counting on you.

[ he squeezes back, faintly. ]

You got it, stud.

[ that gets a smile out of her. it's not as big as ones from before, but it's there and it's genuine. she'll slowly start walking towards the bed, her hand still holding onto his. ]

Come on, let's go.

[ even if neither of them ends up sleeping and instead spend the night lost in their own thoughts, she would at least prefer to do that while lying down. as much as she likes to pretend otherwise, her leg does hurt (not like that will be a problem after tonight, ha ha). ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only