psychedelica | (no subject)

[ he exhales softly, plopping himself down on the foot of the bed. ]

You were just doing what you're supposed to. Fulfilling objectives is important to winning this game. [ or so he's heard. There's another pause; somewhat awkwardly, he goes on. ] ... I won't let them come after you.

[ he does not expect her to like him or trust him, after everything, but he at least wants her to know that. They're partners, after all. ]

[ she actually expected him to scold her or something so there's a few seconds before she answers him. ]

I wouldn't want to get you into trouble.

... You say that with such a straight face for all the trouble you've dragged me into, [ he comments dryly. ] Just let me protect you for once.

...

You can rely on me too, you know.

I wonder.

[ he answers honestly, for once, the wry expression remaining on his face. he doesn't doubt her strength or her intelligence or anything like that; the issue is elsewhere. ]

If you weren't partners with me, you wouldn't like me. Just like how I wouldn't have kissed you if it wasn't for that potion. The worlds we live in are too different for it to work.

That's stupid.

[ it's said immediately, her voice form. ]

We can't keep thinking about what if situations like that. We'll never know what would have happened if we weren't partners so there's no point in thinking about it.

Maybe. But one day, we won't be partners anymore. When that day comes, I don't want to...

[ he trails off, not sure how to answer. Normally, he would never be this earnest, but he feels like he owes her this much, at least - and, perhaps, seeing his sister's face again has made him more of the person he used to be, even if he can't change the person he became after he died. ]

... I don't want to be disappointed when you leave. That's all.

I'm not going to take back any of the things I've said to you when that happens. You might not think so, but you're my friend, Hikage. And I know that there's a lot about our relationship that we need to work on...

[ they have issues, and that's not even counting the fact that they barely talk about the game itself with each other. ]

I want us to work.

[ he snorts at that, looking down at his knees. It sounds like a line from a shoujo manga or something - all of it. They don't have that kind of relationship, do they? She's a flirtatious girl. If she just wants his body, then that's fine. Anything beyond that is a delusion.

But she did say that he's her friend. That's worth something to him, even if his emotions are all confused. ]

... I got a letter from Jae-ha after he died. He told me I was getting in the way of my own happiness. [ Hikage rubs his nose. ] Is he right?

I think so.

[ if they're being honest then she won't try to cushion this. ]

I think that you can get so trapped in what you were and the way things can go wrong that you ignore the person you can be... and what might make you happy.

[ honestly, he has no idea why he's asking her this - he doesn't know what answer he wants to hear. He's not sure he knows what his own happiness is anymore. Seeing his sister again, even if it was nothing more than the reflection in a mirror, made him happy, without a doubt, but she's something to work towards - a wish for the future. His present is happening now. Even if it's temporary. As Eichi said - aren't all things?

Suffering and despair don't bring him pleasure the way they used to. He knows it's not what his sister would have wanted; it's not the person he was, the one she loved. He wants to be someone she can love. He needs a different sort of happiness. He's happy when he's with Belph here. And... ]

... I liked talking to you at the party. It was almost like things were normal. And that day in the garden, too... [ a self-deprecating smile. ] Just for a little while, it was like I was alive.

[ it's nice to hear him admit that these things made him happy; she sused to him brushing it off afterwards and claiming it wasn't important.

there's a pause as she considers what to say. a few answers come to mind, but she ultimately settled on, ]

What would you like to do right now that would make you happy?

[ what a thing to ask... Hikage goes silent at that. There's a glaring answer here, and he can't decide if it would be better to sidestep it or charge ahead. ]

You shouldn't say things like that carelessly. I told you that back when we first found out we were partners.

[ he's not sure that answer would satisfy him, anyway. in the end, it's not truly what he's looking for. but maybe, for a little while... ]

[ stephanie nods her head in acknowledgment of his answer. he very much did say that, back when he refused to get into the bed that they now share. that feels like forever ago. ]

You don't have to think of something too raunchy. You boys always jump so far ahead.

-- Shut up. You know how that sounded.

[ back to being embarrassed, here we go. He knits his fingers together in his lap, looking off to the side.

What does he want to do right now? ]

Right now... I want you to be honest with me.

How?

[ she realizes that question is too general, but... the request is vague enough that it could mean a lot of things. ]

Um. What do you want me to tell you?

... What do you think of me?

[ she's told him over and over, perhaps, but for some reason, it's just not sinking in. It all feels superfluous to him - a way she's expected to act, because she's nice, heroic, she's his partner and he's a broken, pathetic man that she feels obligated to take care of. He hates to be pitied. The interest she's shown in him feels less meaningful knowing (or assuming) what he does about Shirasu, too. ]

Do you feel sorry for me? If that's the case, then stop. I can work with you as your partner, but I don't want your pity.

I don't. Hikage, you said before that you don't actually know that much about me. And... I don't want people pitying me either, so I wouldn't do the same to you.

[ she didn't really think he wanted to deal with any of her issues when he had so many of her own. ]

I like you. I consider you a friend and I want to do what I can to help you.

... No, I don't.

[ that's part of the problem, he realizes - that he doesn't know much about her. This all feels so one-sided. He comes to her, he spills his guts and humiliates himself in front of her at least twice - she doesn't treat him the same way he treats her, even if some of what he's done was the castle's fault.

One-sided interest. He never would have guessed he would be on this side of it. Even if he feels happy to be called a friend, he can't hide the slight frustration in his expression, and he frowns. ]

Is that the truth?

Hikage, if I didn't like you, it would be a lot more obvious.

[ steph is actually a little similar to hikage in the sense that if she hates you, she becomes very blunt and rude. she is really not the kind of person who would pretend otherwise.

after saying that though, there's a pause as she... considers what to say next. ]

Some of this is information you already know about me, but just sit through it, okay? I need to say it all so you can see the whole picture. In my world, the concept of things like superheroes and villains is pretty normal. The chances of you walking down the street and running into people with powers fight each other is high? It's just how life is. In my city, Gotham, it's particularly bad since it has one of the highest crime rate in the country. Gotham's main protector is someone called Batman. He... he's one of the best there is, basically. If you want to be a vigilante in Gotham, you pretty much need to have his approval or else he'll make your life miserable though. He has a lot of teams throughout the world, but he only has a very, very select few who he trusts to work in Gotham.

[ she sounds vaguely annoyed while saying all of that. ]

My dad was a bad guy in Gotham. My entire life growing up was seeing him in and out of jail, him bringing bad people into our house, and other... crappy stuff. My mom was a drug addict, and his way of life was making that worse. I was pretty angry at her too for a while, but... things worked out for her, at least. Anyway, my dad's identity was the Cluemaster. He would always leaves clues about his thefts, which was stupid because it kept making them catch him. When I was around fifteen he got out of jail again, and he finally got over the clue thing and it turned out he was actually good at stealing when he wasn't sabotaging himself? So I made myself a costume, called myself the Spoiler, and tried my best to alert Batman as to what was going on. [ she smiles. ] That's the memory you saw, by the way. The boy I hit with that brick was Tim-- or Robin, I guess, that's his alias. Batman's main sidekick is always a Robin. They thanked me for telling them what was happening, but they also told me to go home since it was too dangerous for me.

I ignored them. [ of course she did. she ignores everyone's orders. ] When they finally caught my dad, I showed up. And I really wanted to kill him. I almost did, but Batman stopped me. He said it wasn't how they handle things. It took me... an embarrassingly long time to actually accept that rule after that. I never did kill anyone, but I would ask myself every time I went out with Tim as Spoiler why didn't we just solve the villain problem permanently.

[ needless to say, he didn't expect her to go on this diatribe after his meager few words of disbelief. Hikage listens, watching her with questioning eyes, as if he doesn't quite know where she's heading with this, but doesn't know if it's going to be anywhere he likes. He'd heard most of this before, although her home just sounds weirder and weirder the more she talks about it, what with the Bat-people and the costumes and vigilantism... then again, it's no weirder than meeting with a talking skeleton with a dagger made to rip people's faces off.

By the end of it, he's still not entirely sure what she's getting at - is it the fact that she wanted to kill someone? It is sort of hard to imagine... at the same time, considering how she charges into things, maybe it isn't. ]

... And? Why are you telling me this now?

Because you seem to think that I see the world in a very black and white way. I don't.

[ she's not sure how to get past the hero label here; she knows that's a major roadblock. ]

[ so he was right, then. And so was she. That was something bothering him - the thought that she couldn't ever really accept him because of her morals. Perhaps he'd been painting her with too broad a brush. Could someone growing up in a place like Gotham (as she describes it) really adhere to such strict morals when surrounded by the worst of society? After a second or two, he nods his head, though he doesn't meet her gaze. ]

Maybe not.

[ Yet he still feels dissatisfied. Something isn't sitting right. He can't place it; his words get ahead of his thoughts. ]

... If I told you I wanted to kiss you again, what would you say?

[ despite her teasing earlier (he was right, she did word her question early to purposely fluster him) stephanie hadn't actually expected him to say something like this. she probably should have, but everything else they talked about kind of overshadowed it. ]

You can kiss me.

[ she sounds thoughtful when she says it; it's not like before when she eagerly kissed him back without considering the consequences. ]

Of course I can. I can do whatever I want.

[ maybe this is really the heart of his worries. His ego is too big for him to lay them out and talk about them like he should; instead, he keeps playing these games in a desperate bid to protect himself in case there are consequences.

What he said before is still true - he doesn't want to be disappointed. But his time left is probably short, no matter what he does. Maybe he should listen to Jae-ha, as much as he loathes the idea. Maybe... ]

I want to know if you'd kiss me back.

[ he shifts, still not quite looking at her. ]

That kind of depends on the context of the kiss.

[ if he's being a jerk about it, she'd definitely hit him, no matter how much she likes him. if he surprises her too much, she'd also probably hit him, but that has less to do with him and more to do with the fact that her main reflex is to punch.

there's a pause before she gets up to move in front of him. steph doesn't say anything at first, and instead just plops right down on his lap. ]

You can shove me off.

[ w-woah. Well, he wasn't expecting this turn of events. Despite the (relatively) good job he was doing of playing it cool so far, he freezes up for a few seconds, and that gets him to look at her. His pulse quickens instantly - ironic, considering he's dead. Hikage stares at her - warily, but more in the sense that he's wondering if he's being tested rather than waiting for danger. ]

... No.

[ after a few moments of hesitation, he picks up his hands and rests them on her hips - nothing more - and stares at her, waiting for her to show her hand. Is this her response? Or does she just want attention? He still can't tell with her. ]

[ she just looks back at him, her lips twitching slightly, like she's trying her best not to smile.

admittedly, stephanie did not think further past this point because she did not know how hikage would even react to her doing this. a part of her thought she would have ended up pushed onto the floor, so this is a nice surprise.

but, the longer she waits, the more strained the silence will be, so steph eventually leans forward to gently kiss him on the forehead. ]

[ that was equally unexpected. He was expecting her to kiss him, or maybe even push him down onto the bed, or something; somehow, though, that gentle touch to his forehead makes his heart swell more than any of the other options would have. There are no ulterior motives of manipulation or desire he can read in something like that. It's just affection, pure and simple.

That convinces him better than her words could.

His right eye is red when he blinks at her in surprise. His expression tightens, as if he's holding something in, but he's quick to hide it; Hikage quietly rests his head against her shoulder, his arms moving from her waist to wrap around her in an embrace instead. And, for once, he doesn't make a smartass comment or voice doubts about her intentions. ]

[ well, she still doesn't seem to be on the floor.

the lack of a comment from him is odd; she's used to his commentary even when it's very obvious that what he's saying isn't what he actually means. stephanie slowly wraps her arms him, letting out a breath that she hadn't even really been holding.

it's fine. they're fine. ]

... Don't go.

[ the same thing he said to her before, that first night he came to her. Hikage murmurs it quietly, not moving an inch. What he's afraid of now isn't what he was afraid of then. True, he fears that she'll reject him eventually - that worry won't be entirely assuaged until tomorrow, when he meets her and Belph together - but now, his words carry a different meaning.

Don't get killed. If she dies, he doesn't know what he'll do. ]

I won't.

[ she holds onto him a little bit tighter.

you can't really promise someone that you won't die here; she's sure that many of the others who were killed had said the same thing to at least one person. but she can at least do her best to not die from her own recklessness. she can try to hold on to him for as long as he can. ]