psychedelica | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ Hikage doesn't go to find Akechi for quite a while; he has a lot of baggage of his own to sort through, as was made spectacularly obvious at the end of the trial. A few hours have passed before he makes his appearance. He doesn't come bearing food or drinks or even weapons. He just brings himself, with a rather complex emotion on his face that can't quite be determined. ]

... Your luck finally ran out.

[ he puts a hand on the bars, trying to read Akechi's mood. ]

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[yeah, Akechi thought he'd be more upset, too. but he just gives a little shrug. these are words he never thought he'd say, but they are the culmination of everything that has happened to him thus far. the influence of every person he's met who has tried to steer him on a path of doing better]

I don't think I care anymore.

[ at that, Hikage nods. There are a few seconds of silence; his hand slips away from the grate, and he slowly lowers himself to a seated position on the floor outside. ]

Me neither.

[ as much as he wishes he still cared. It would be easier to deal with everything if he could still summon up those fires of hatred and loneliness, but they simply don't burn as brightly as they used to now that he remembers what it's like to love someone and be loved by someone. All he feels now is sadness and a sort of hollow disappointment. ]

I didn't want you to die. They didn't take the bait, though.

[yeah. things were definitely easier when all Akechi cared about was the bitterness and anger in his heart. allowing others to worm their way in through that blackness has totally ruined him]

[but it is what it is]

They believed in Di Angelo too much. It's all right.

[a shrug!]

The attempt was poor, but it was an attempt nevertheless.

[Akechi. . .]

[ despite everything, he shoots Akechi an irritated look through the gloom. ]

You should be grateful I tried at all. I was weighing your life against a lot of factors.

[ not that it worked - it was a waste of time, in the end. Maybe he should have pushed harder for them to look at that evidence, but he didn't want to make himself suspicious, either.

But that's not what he's really here to talk about. His ego's taken enough of a beating these past few weeks. ]

... It's not over yet. We have a plan. No matter what happens tomorrow, it's not the end. Keep that in mind.

Oh, I'm well aware. You'll be down to three villains, but so long as the Blotters choose their kills carefully, it should be all right.

[quirks a brow at him, genuinely curious]

I'm interested in this "plan," though.

You don't have to know about it.

[ because hikage knows that akechi is probably coming out alive tomorrow. and the fact that they're so alike is exactly why he can't tell him about it in case he does live. ]

I just wanted to tell you that it's not over. [ a pause. He's so terrible about talking about any of this - but he feels like there's something he needs to express to Akechi in this moment. ] ... Your revenge wouldn't satisfy you the way you are now.

[. . . a bitter laugh]

Refusing to share information with a dying man. . . I see. I suppose that's what I've always been since the day I set foot in this castle. Someone who thought he knew everything, when everyone else was always two steps ahead of him

[Hikage may know he may come out of things alive tomorrow, but Akechi sure doesn't. he's resigned to his fate. either way, he doesn't press the subject. there isn't much point]

I'm aware it isn't over. Belph-san, Sanji-san, and many others won't allow it to end on a sour note.

[and he shrugs, just a tiny bit, a barely perceptible movement]

And perhaps it wouldn't.

[ he just sighs through his nose. ]

You'll understand why when tomorrow comes.

[ that's about as much explanation as he's willing to give on the matter. Quite frankly, he doesn't care that much if Akechi resents him; it's nothing he doesn't deserve. ]

... It wouldn't. I tried to remember how I felt before, today. When I thought all of this was going to fail - it would be easier to stop being "Hikage." But now I remember what it was like... being alive, having people around that care. I couldn't be that version of "me" anymore, because I didn't want them to hate me. [ his eyes flick over to Akechi. ] You're the same, aren't you? If we don't see this through, we'll have nothing left to fight for.

[. . . what does Hikage know. . .]

[but he doesn't ask that question. there are other things he has to address first. especially the way his expression flickers when Hikage says "because I didn't want them to hate me."]

[isn't that. . . kind of what spurred all of this, anyway? his confession to Ion, telling him the truth about his plans that Thursday night. Ion's reaction, Ion's unshakable belief in him nonetheless. and it isn't just Ion anymore either, is it? there are so many other people he doesn't want to hate him]

[perhaps that's not the best of reasons to avoid doing what it is he always did. but it's a start]

I used to feel that way about my revenge.

[he hooks a finger under his gloves and pulls, adjusting it over his hand]

But I can say for certain that I feel that way about this war game now, too.

[ he makes a noncommittal noise of agreement at that.

When there's nothing left to fight for - when or if they fail now... he doesn't think he'll keep trying to survive. Hikage wonders if Akechi is the same. Considering his responses earlier, he thinks he might be. ]

... When you die, you lose all your memories. You forget what it meant to be "you," or even to be a human. But after that, your soul is reborn as someone new. You won't remember being Akechi, but you might find happiness as another person.

[ is this his attempt at being comforting? maybe, even if he knows Akechi isn't going to die. ]

[it's]

[weirdly comforting, actually. in a way that Akechi can't describe]

Haha. . . perhaps I'm tired of being Goro Akechi, anyway.

[Goro Akehchi, who was good for nothing but murder, for putting on an act, for lying and deceiving others in pursuit of his own gain]

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