psychedelica | (no subject)

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[ He's so happy that he honestly doesn't know quite what to do with himself - he's afraid of feeling happy like this. It's the first time anything's worked out for him; if he embraces this emotion, he fears it will collapse and turn to dust like all the other good things he's ever had.

Part of him is still telling him to run away and hide. It's safer that way; he can't be hurt. But that part has become so small now, in the face of the friendships he's made and the success he's actually had. He'd headed towards hope instead of despair, and now it's in his hands. Hikage can't keep the emotions in.

He probably doesn't even wait until they go back to their room to find her. This time, he's the one who reaches out, and he takes her wrist. ]

... You convinced me.

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[ ironically the situation with the ex is also complicated, but steph does not think she'll ever get back together with him for other reasons. anyway. ]

... will you still hold my hand and stuff?

[ steph is aware that that is actually a selfish request considering steph just more or less told hikage to ask again later, but.

it'll be sad, if this stopped. ]

[ steph...

that actually hurts, unlike the wishy-washy rejection. Fortunately, Hikage is in high spirits (for once), so he doesn't snap at her, but he does frown. ]

... Are you just going to toy with me, Steph?

[ he's not a very touchy-feely person, which he's sure she knows. Holding hands with people he's just friends with is a little outside of his comfort zone. And if this is going to be a dead-end emotional path to pursue, he'd rather not drag it out beyond reason.

on the bright side, he slipped and actually called her by her nickname...?! ]

Edited 2018-07-30 05:57 (UTC)

[ she isn't sure how she thought he would respond to the request. they had been physically affectionate before, even when they weren't exactly sure where they stood, but she supposes that might change now after this conversation. when they don't know what they're doing, it's easier to do something more freely sometimes. ]

I haven't done that this entire time.

[ it's said with a frown, but she won't ask again unless he brings it up himself. ]

[ he spoke exactly what he was feeling, just the way he always does. Still, the sharp sensation of regret pierces him when he sees her frown in response, and he shifts uneasily on his feet. There was no reason for him to open his mouth and press her for an answer outside of his own selfishness. Hikage typically never cared about being selfish. But whatever their relationship had become was good, and now he's beginning to worry he's turning it sour by asking for too much.

No, he definitely is. He knew from the beginning she probably couldn't give him what he was looking for... ]

... I know. [ even if he hadn't exactly believed it for most of their time together. ] That's not really it. It's just...

[ there's no way to word this that isn't embarrassing and pathetic. ]

... I want... to be important to you.

[ he's lonely. he wants steph to love him, not just hold his hand. ]

You are important to me.

[ it kind of feels like a few weeks ago, when she was trying to convince him that she genuinely cared about him for reasons other than just their partnership. and once again, she's at a loss as to how to get him to understand what she means without saying the wrong thing.

maybe the truth? ]

I told you, I like you. And I mean it. But I... also like Belph. [ a pause. that's actually the first time she said that out loud, she realizes. she had only kissed him before. ] And he said that he needs to think about it. So, I need to give him time to do that, I think.

Belph...?!

[ the answer is apparently unexpected enough that Hikage can't help but repeat his name. There's no disdain or anything - just surprise.

When he thinks about it, though, it makes sense. From his perspective, they hadn't seemed very close... but they'd been making a concentrate effort to hide their relationship the entire time. In reality, she'd probably been spending as much time with Belph as she had with him. Hikage knew better than anyone how Belph was easy to talk to (somehow.) For a person like Steph -- they must have been fast friends.

Logically, he should probably be jealous, or something. He'd been jealous of Shirasu, after all. But, strangely, he isn't, not even a little. He's not sure what to make of that. Sighing, he rubs at his face - and when his hand drops, his expression seems a fraction lighter. ]

... Well, if he's my competition, then I guess I don't mind.

Edited 2018-07-31 03:02 (UTC)

[ oh. well. she was not expecting that response from him? she was worried about telling him since she knows how close belph and hikage are, and she didn't want to cause any sort of mess between the two of them. it takes a moment of her processing his reaction before she can form any sort of response that isn't just her blurting out something like "really????" ]

You don't?

[ never mind, she still ended up saying something like that. ]

No.

[ her reaction makes him feel a little awkward again, and he scratches his head. How does he explain it? Maybe it's because he likes both of them a lot already. Belph is trustworthy and smart, and he's a good listener. He's certainly easier to talk to than Hikage is, he's sure. The idea of them finding happiness with each other is... fine. He's sure he'd be a little sad. But if they still thought of him, too, then it might be okay. He knows Belph cares about him, too. ]

... That doesn't mean I'm giving up, though. I'm stubborn. You shouldn't have teased me so much and made me think all these things. [ a beat. Then, off-handedly, almost certainly to deflect from that comment: ] Has anyone told you that you have terrible taste in men? You do.

[ she blushes at his words, surprised that she somehow didn't mess this up. it's a little strange, since other people had been asking her if hikage and she had feelings for each other since very early on here. her answer had always been that she was pretty certain that there was no way he'd have feelings for her because she wasn't even entirely sure that he even liked her as a friend, sidestepping mentioning her own feelings. they've really come a long way from there. ]

Sorry, but you're kind of fun to tease. [ she smiles. ] And yeah. I've heard that once or twice. It hasn't been true here though?

... You're really going to say that with a straight face?

[ he doesn't even know Belph's whole story, but he does know for a fact that the two of them are both a handful. As far as boyfriends go, they're both fixer-uppers, so to speak... Still, a smirk's returned to his face. Telling him the truth was definitely the right move. It feels less like a soft rejection and more like telling him he's on hold - or in competition. Knowing he's the second choice doesn't feel great; still, when the first choice is Belph, it's hard for him to be upset.

(He likes to think he's good at winning things, anyway.) ]

Fine. I changed my mind. I'll let you hold my hand. You'll just have to deal with the consequences.

[ speaking of straight faces, she is still trying to keep hers. steph manages to fail down when he says the last thing though, her face breaking out into a bright smile.

she holds her hand out. ]

How kind of you for leaving me with a warning.

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