Because he's my friend. I'm not going to give up on him because of this.
[and she's - honestly going to help herself to a seat? she feels like even if she doesn't stay for a long time, she owes this conversation something]
He was stupid - but he was with me before everything happened. He'd never even survived a Thursday night before and while that isn't an excuse for being reckless, it at least partially explains why he was extremely dumb about everything.
Even though he's capable of making his own decisions, and it was an accident - I should've done better by him. And he's not here anymore, so I have to make sure everything is set right.
... though - that might be more of an answer than you wanted.
[but admittedly lili's thoughts on the matter, while straightforward, can easily be construed as self-blame which... is not what it is.]
[ she must have been waiting to tell all of that to someone. He's been there before plenty of times - not in these "games," but in his own manor, listening to people and baiting out their stories with bits and pieces his eye had already shown him. Now he's wondering if there's just something about him that makes people want to tell him things. This time, at least, he's not listening with ill intent. ]
It's ridiculous to feel that responsible over a man ten times older than you are. He should have been the one looking after you. [ hikage is now even less impressed with tsurumaru because of this conversation ] If he was still that clueless after that long, there's nothing anyone could have done.
[ bluntly. ]
The ones that need to take responsibility are our three jailkeepers. That's it.
[listen she's been questioned a lot on her position today but she's also stubborn - and there's, uh, something that she can respond to that with, in particular that tsurumaru's only had a human body for a few years max but.
she's picking her battles and choosing to keep her friends' secrets on this fine day.
instead, she selects the easier topic:]
So you're not take the Akira 'they're just as trapped as us' stance, I take it?
They obviously aren't. They have power over us. They know things we don't know, and they're hiding things, too. If that's what he really believes, then he's naive.
[ he feels lingering resentment towards the idea that someone could appear in a place like this and feel such unconditional sympathy towards their captors. he certainly never got any of that... ]
Well... they sound a lot like my old hosts - and I directed a lot of my anger at them at first. But it turned out they were just working with only slightly more information than we were, and didn't mean to deceive us. It's not fair for them to promise us things like safety or anything like that - that's stupid.
[like the directors never said explicitly 'you are safe from all murder here' but they sure did understate the problem]
I don't believe them as entirely as Akira does - but right now, I need things from them. They know where Tsurumaru is, and I need answers. So I'll take what they say with a grain of salt, and test everything myself at the same time.
[ he still thinks it's naive to assume that they even might be on the same side, after what happened with Tiger and Dragon, but he can see there's no point in arguing this. ]
If you can actually learn anything from them, share it. The one I talked to wasn't good at giving straight answers.
First, the dead are supposedly somewhere safe - but they aren't able to get in touch with them yet. So they can't reach Tsurumaru and if we truly are saying goodbye to Evan tomorrow, they won't be able to speak to him immediately either.
Second, they advised that you take time in between revealing your power or team to others. You're not allowed to publicly reveal anything or there will be consequences, because too many people are learning all at once. The consequences will probably be some mixture of affecting yourself and innocents around you. But I floated the idea of telling about two to three people my power each week and didn't receive any notion that it'd go wrong - so if I'm punished after all, know I was lied to.
[she's probably going to be very loud and public about this anyway, so she doesn't mind getting it out of the way now]
[ oh, he wasn't expecting her to actually tell him anything - not like this, not right now, maybe not ever. It was meant as general advice. But he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He just snorts. ]
... You're fast to share information, aren't you? You should be more careful with who you trust.
[ not that any of this is particularly sensitive, but. the old him would have absolutely capitalized on this opportunity. ]
That's not the kind of information I was hoping for. These are just mechanical details... I want to know what's actually going on. I want to know who they are and why they're playing at this "summer camp" nonsense.
That's going to be harder to get given the fact that they seem pretty out of the loop - but fine. I'll see what I can do if I'm going to harass them anyway.
[she doesn't mind multi-tasking?
anyway,]
Any information I share is because that's needed to protect innocent people, and I don't really care for secrets. This isn't trust, this is 'don't be stupid and end up getting others caught in your mess'.
But if anyone wants to think they can manipulate me, they're welcome to try.
[ he regards Lili for a few seconds, eyebrow raised as he processes everything she just said. Then, perhaps surprisingly, he snorts - not scornfully, but in a small laugh. ]
You're a weird girl. I thought you'd be crying around now.
[ he's definitely never met a 17-year-old girl that acts as confident as she does... ]
I see why your profile said you have a warlord's spirit.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[and she's - honestly going to help herself to a seat? she feels like even if she doesn't stay for a long time, she owes this conversation something]
He was stupid - but he was with me before everything happened. He'd never even survived a Thursday night before and while that isn't an excuse for being reckless, it at least partially explains why he was extremely dumb about everything.
Even though he's capable of making his own decisions, and it was an accident - I should've done better by him. And he's not here anymore, so I have to make sure everything is set right.
... though - that might be more of an answer than you wanted.
[but admittedly lili's thoughts on the matter, while straightforward, can easily be construed as self-blame which... is not what it is.]
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It's ridiculous to feel that responsible over a man ten times older than you are. He should have been the one looking after you. [ hikage is now even less impressed with tsurumaru because of this conversation ] If he was still that clueless after that long, there's nothing anyone could have done.
[ bluntly. ]
The ones that need to take responsibility are our three jailkeepers. That's it.
no subject
she's picking her battles and choosing to keep her friends' secrets on this fine day.
instead, she selects the easier topic:]
So you're not take the Akira 'they're just as trapped as us' stance, I take it?
no subject
They obviously aren't. They have power over us. They know things we don't know, and they're hiding things, too. If that's what he really believes, then he's naive.
[ he feels lingering resentment towards the idea that someone could appear in a place like this and feel such unconditional sympathy towards their captors. he certainly never got any of that... ]
You're smarter than that. What do you believe?
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[like the directors never said explicitly 'you are safe from all murder here' but they sure did understate the problem]
I don't believe them as entirely as Akira does - but right now, I need things from them. They know where Tsurumaru is, and I need answers. So I'll take what they say with a grain of salt, and test everything myself at the same time.
no subject
[ he still thinks it's naive to assume that they even might be on the same side, after what happened with Tiger and Dragon, but he can see there's no point in arguing this. ]
If you can actually learn anything from them, share it. The one I talked to wasn't good at giving straight answers.
no subject
First, the dead are supposedly somewhere safe - but they aren't able to get in touch with them yet. So they can't reach Tsurumaru and if we truly are saying goodbye to Evan tomorrow, they won't be able to speak to him immediately either.
Second, they advised that you take time in between revealing your power or team to others. You're not allowed to publicly reveal anything or there will be consequences, because too many people are learning all at once. The consequences will probably be some mixture of affecting yourself and innocents around you. But I floated the idea of telling about two to three people my power each week and didn't receive any notion that it'd go wrong - so if I'm punished after all, know I was lied to.
[she's probably going to be very loud and public about this anyway, so she doesn't mind getting it out of the way now]
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... You're fast to share information, aren't you? You should be more careful with who you trust.
[ not that any of this is particularly sensitive, but. the old him would have absolutely capitalized on this opportunity. ]
That's not the kind of information I was hoping for. These are just mechanical details... I want to know what's actually going on. I want to know who they are and why they're playing at this "summer camp" nonsense.
no subject
[she doesn't mind multi-tasking?
anyway,]
Any information I share is because that's needed to protect innocent people, and I don't really care for secrets. This isn't trust, this is 'don't be stupid and end up getting others caught in your mess'.
But if anyone wants to think they can manipulate me, they're welcome to try.
no subject
You're a weird girl. I thought you'd be crying around now.
[ he's definitely never met a 17-year-old girl that acts as confident as she does... ]
I see why your profile said you have a warlord's spirit.
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Did it...? [though she just huffs] I don't really care what people think about me....
I've gotten pretty tired of crying - so don't underestimate me!
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[ a breath through his nose, amused. ]
I guess you have experience. [ a pause. ] They're probably not as clueless as they're acting. Not every world is like yours.
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So... we'll have to uncover whatever those things are ourselves.
[which. she sounds tired to just think about, but.]