psychedelica | (no subject)

[ he eyes Belph a little warily, as if he doesn't know what to do with that comment... but in the end, he says nothing, simply blowing on his tea before taking a sip. ]

... Well, if you can think of some way to protect me, I wouldn't object. I've been helping more than you know.

[ but he doesn't look like he's going to say more than that. ]

[...]

Okay, you can't just say that and leave me hanging, buddy.

I can. I don't want to make myself more of a target. Even telling you that much might have been dangerous... It's not like I have any idea what you've been up to.

... Well, I meant it when I said that I hope you make it to the end. If I'm ever forced to kill, I doubt you—or Steph—will be my target. [a beat.] Just don't expect me to say something that mushy a second time.

[honestly, he hopes he'll never be picked? but that's probably out of his hands and in the crafters' instead, judging by the pattern they have so far.]

Does it seem like I've been up to anything?

You're hard to read.

[ which is REALLY ANNOYING. ]

Can you say that, even if picking one of us might save your own life?

I try, so I'll take that as a compliment!

[sorry, hikage...

and, simply,]

Yes.

Why?

[ just why ]

... Because I like you, and I like Steph—who, by the way, is also teaching me how to defend myself, so killing her seems like an especially bad idea—and anyway, saying all that wants to make me vomit?

[ugh, admitting to liking people!! hikage has to die now, just for this (this is a joke).]

If I really do have to kill, and I'm hoping I never do, there are plenty of people here, some of whom I don't actually like. Why would I target you, of all people?

[ this honestly seems to take him completely off-guard. He stares out at Belph across his teacup, eyes widening considerably. In his heart, he feels... something. Regret? Guilt? Happiness?

What it is doesn't matter. The fact is that he felt something at all. ]

... Why would you like me? I haven't done anything. Are you just scared, or - desperate for someone you can trust?

[...

he takes a sip of his tea. it takes longer than it needs to.]

You're fun to tease.

[... normally, he'd leave it at that, but hikage's look is—well. even belph would feel bad. as much as he hates being honest about anything...]

... And though you seem like you wouldn't know how to lighten up even if it slapped you in the face, you try hard. Not everyone would.

[it's something that belph can appreciate, all the more when he feels he lacks it himself.]

[ he expected this from Steph - she was his partner, and thus had a vested interest in being on good terms with him. Aside from that, she was a heroic type, a nice person, even. Of course she'd imagine that Hikage was a good partner, someone likeable, even in a situation like this. Belph, on the other hand... He doesn't have those excuses. He's secretive, playing his cards close to his chest - on top of that, he's blunt and intellectual. Hikage doesn't even think he's been particularly nice to him.

And yet... ]

You're... imagining things. [ it's a weak reply. he has the urge to run away or be sick, but he just sits there, clutching his teacup. there's an ache inside... ] I'm not that sort of person.

[...

belph watches him. he blows at his tea, before looking up at hikage again.]

Then what sort of person are you?

...

[ that question doesn't sit well with him at all, and it's obvious. He looks a little pale. ]

I'm just me.

[ he doesn't know? ]

... Heh. Well, that's true for all of us. We're just ourselves, for better or for worse.

[he wonders, but he won't say it out loud.]

Maybe that's why humans continue to associate with one another, even though other people drag us down. We need to be seen through someone else's lens, other than our own.

[otherwise, no matter how well you think you understand yourself, you're just empty.]

What does that mean?

[ the idea unsettles him a little more than he'd like - that he doesn't really know. Do other people know him better than he does? It's not crazy to think that when he barely remembers anything about who he was. But he knows who he is now... doesn't he? ]

[he shrugs.]

The way you see yourself and the way people see you are two halves of the same coin.

[a dry smile. man, hikage's too old (?) for him to be telling this stuff. he's not entirely sure of why he is, but—well, it's not like he really has to say anything about himself.]

Whether it's the truth or a lie. Sometimes, the misconceptions people have of you are more comforting than the real thing.

[ he eyes Belph for a few more seconds - not angrily, not inquisitively, but rather blankly, as if he doesn't understand, or doesn't want to. In the end, his gaze drops back into his cup. ]

Well... Thanks, I guess.

[ it's an awkward conclusion, but it's all he can think of. If he presses further, he's not sure he's ready for what he'll find. Not yet. ]

[...]

You've got really low standards if you're thanking me for something like that, man.

I've been dead for a long time.

[ that's the only explanation he's offering. normally, he'd be more embarrassed about that callout, but his thoughts are clearly elsewhere. ]

There aren't many other people there. Everyone eventually passes on or disappears.

[ except for one. ]

[cautiously, he takes a small sip of his tea.]

Death sounds pretty dreary.

[he's just... going to accept this as a thing. it's easier than pondering the logistics of it.]

[ it's not poisoned, don't worry. just normal green tea!! it tastes like macha, actually... the good stuff. ]

You're only just realizing that now?

[why are you such a mom, hikage. you can even make tea??]

I haven't died yet.

[ HE HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN THE AFTERLIFE ]

That doesn't matter. You don't need to die to know death isn't exactly a great time.

[ this is better, let's talk about death, it doesn't confuse him as much... the color's returning to his face, even. ]

Personally, I was hoping it'd just be oblivion, but I guess that's not the case, huh?

It depends on how you look at it. When your soul is reborn, you don't have any of your memories, so the Belph in front of me now would be gone. You'd be someone else.