psychedelica | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ come hang out and drink with him, Belph!!

Night's fallen by the time they go back, of course; usually, he likes to sit outside, but he's gotten a little tired of the evening air and the garden scenery at this point. So tonight, instead, he comes to greet Belph with a bottle of sake and plans to go elsewhere. ]

Split this with me.

[ referring to the bottle, of course... ]

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[he sips at his drink.]

... Well, we'll see. I'm pretty tired of everything, to be honest. This place is just my last attempt to do something worthwhile with my life.

[ he's intimately familiar with that feeling, considering it's been building in his heart for the past two weeks or so. Hikage doesn't understand why he's still here. Now that he remembers, he understands even more that he shouldn't be.

And yet, despite understanding that emotion so distinctly, he doesn't like to hear Belph say that. ]

Don't throw your life away. [ rare is it for him to take the optimistic position - yet here he is. ] Death is painful. I remember how scared I was. Even though I was the one killing myself...

[ at the time, he'd thought it would be worse to live. Now, he doesn't know. ]

Is your existence that miserable?

.. Well, it depends on what kind of person you are, I suppose.

[his uncle, after all, is thriving in this lifestyle.]

A lot of people would probably kill to be in my position. It's just not the life I wanted for myself.

[ that sounds kind of familiar, too, although maybe not in the same way. for a time, he had lived a wealthy lifestyle, thanks to his parents. Perhaps he was beaten and abused, but he could eat, and he had shelter when it rained. ]

You never talk about your life.

[ Hikage says it in a way that says he wants to know; after a brief pause, he continues. Maybe the sake is setting in now... ]

... I used to be able to read people's hearts with this eye. [ he gestures to his right eye; he concentrates, briefly, and feels it turn red with heat again. ] I used it to find out the best ways to hurt them. But now that there's someone whose heart I'm actually interested in, I've lost that power... How pathetic.

Edited 2018-07-15 06:39 (UTC)

[... you know, if it weren't for the fact that belph's pretty sure hikage's crushing on steph, that would almost sound like a love confession.

anyway.

he's quiet for a while, sipping more at his drink. the alcohol hasn't hit him—he can take a lot more than this. which is for the best, since he really doesn't want to get inebriated around hikage, of all people.]

It's really not that interesting.

[...]

You know how humanity lives underground in my time, right? My family's responsible for that, though most aren't aware. We're the ones who ruined the world, for the sake of ruling it.

... Well, that was before I was born.

[ it's a platonic love confession... bro!!

also, if that's Belph's definition of "not that interesting," he must have incredibly high standards. There isn't much that can surprise Hikage anymore; still, he arches an eyebrow. ]

Do you feel guilty about it? You shouldn't.

... I don't feel guilty about the past.

[maybe he did as a child, when he discovered the truth. but in the end, what's done is done.]

Still, greed doesn't end, you know? It's never enough for some people...

[it might not make much sense out of context; he's talking more to himself. his tone is distant for a moment, before he returns to reality.]

The fact of the matter is that I'm one of them now, whether I want to be or not, and I benefit from their current regime. My entire life's been built on their corruption.

[well, hikage might be able to understand. chances are, he knows very well how shitty rich people are.]

You can't choose who your parents are.

[ he would know. Even without context, he can understand the gist of what Belph means; bits and pieces of his memories continue to return in a trickle as he talks about them, his head stinging. Those with money are never satisfied. They'd let a little girl die without her medication rather than part with a tiny fraction of their wealth.

His face wrinkles in distaste; he feels the old anger bubbling up inside of him, and it feels strangely cathartic. It's been so long... since he was angry about this. ]

Life is unfair that way. [ even so... ] But you have a chance to live a different life now.

[ a pause. ]

Everyone keeps telling me that, anyway... It shouldn't be any different for you.

Edited 2018-07-16 02:48 (UTC)

Funnily enough ["funnily"], I don't think my parents were bad people. I'm pretty sure my dad killed himself because he couldn't take it anymore.

[cheery thought! belph says it breezily enough, at least.]

... Well, we'll see. I don't know what I'll do if I return home—the entire world is under my family's influence, after all.

[ That's not something Hikage can begrudge his dad for when he did the same thing. Despite wishing to know more about Belph, he finds himself with depressingly little to say about what he shares now that he's learning about him. He's never good at these things. Luckily for him, he's sure that Belph isn't seeking comfort or pity from him either. ]

You don't have to go home.

[ he doesn't know where else they could go, but there has to be another place, right? Hikage doesn't realize that he's starting to include himself in this third option, too. He takes another drink, then shakes his head. ]

... You're a depressing person to drink with.

[in a way, belph has thought a lot about his fate after this game, and not a lot at all. he doesn't say any of that to hikage, though.]

Guess we're both very un-cheery people to drink with, then!

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