psychedelica | (no subject)

... Well, this is a surprise.

[he can't say he was expecting this sort of offer from hikage, but you know what? he'll take it.]

... I'm tired of thinking about this all of the time. I want to think about nothing for a while.

[ he's felt this way many times in the past, but he never had anyone to share that feeling or talk it over with. ]

We can go to the lounge. No one will bother us.

Ain't that relatable.

[... heh.]

Sure. I can't believe you're turning into a drunkard, though.

Drinking once makes me a drunkard, now? Are you projecting something?

[ don't bully him, Belph... oh wait, that's all Belph does!! Yet he still likes him for some reason. In any case, he'll start heading off towards the aforementioned lounge. ]

Maybe this is a habit of yours I don't know about?

[yeah, all belph ever does is bully people??

anyhow, he'll follow hikage.]

No... I never drank very much.

[ at least, he doesn't remember doing so. He'd been so single-mindedly focused on his goals, both before and after his death, that he didn't bother wasting his time trying to drown his sorrows.

Nowadays, he finds himself lacking in goals. So why not?

Once they get there, he's quick to nab two glasses and set them on the table so that he can start pouring. ]

Well, I hope I'm not a bad influence on you, in that case.

[he sits down.]

[ that gets a dry laugh out of him. ]

No. I don't think so.

[ perhaps from a certain point of view, Belph is - the master of the manor would never do something like this. But Hikage feels a little happy when he's with him - he feels alive - so how bad an influence could he be? ]

Everyone failed again this week.

You don't seem horribly torn up over it.

... I don't really care.

[ he barely knew Reyna and Sousei, and Jae-ha... knew him better than he'd like. He's not sure if he's bitter or relieved that he's gone. ]

I just don't like losing.

[ he holds out a now-full cup of sake to Belph for him to take. ]

... You were upset before, weren't you?

[he takes a sip.]

Define "before".

After we found the bodies.

[ it was rare to see him that way, so there's no way Hikage would forget. That's his only regret about the trial, at the moment, aside from his aforementioned dislike of losing - that Belph (and Steph, too) couldn't get the resolution they wanted. ]

[ah.

he smiles, though there's something somber in it.]

... It's fine now. You could say I've found my peace with it.

Edited 2018-07-15 03:24 (UTC)

Did he send you a letter, too?

[ he offers the guess blandly as he takes a sip from his own cup, settling in the seat next to Belph. ]

... Well, that too.

"Too," huh...

[ he can only wonder what else happened. Hikage wants to pry, honestly; he wants to know more about Belph, what he's feeling about this, what that memory he saw the other day meant, but he doesn't know how. The only friend he ever had until now was someone who loved him unconditionally and would tell him anything and everything, just because she wanted to. It's frustrating to feel so clueless. All those years should have brought him wisdom, but all he has is a century of pain to try and heal. ]

... Well, if you're satisfied, I guess it's fine.

I don't know if "satisfied" is the right word for it, but it is what it is. I have no intention of pursuing Jae-ha's murderer.

[...]

Hey, Hikage. If you were chosen as a Blotter, who would you target?

[ that question is going to need another drink to answer. ]

... Varian, maybe. He's clever, and contributes a lot to solving the murders. His partner is smart, too. Getting rid of both of them at once could help keep me safe.

[ a very practical solution... for Hikage, not the "master of the manor." Part of him wants to kill Natsuo or Kyouka for the chaos and despair it would create, but that part of him has become smaller and smaller each week. ]

[he takes another step. his tone utterly neutral,]

I see.

[a pause.]

And what do you think about the possible endings of this war? Or does it not matter to you?

[it's a genuine question. he still doesn't know how hikage feels about all this.]

... I just want to see my sister again.

[ he admits it quietly. He has the mirror, but it's not the same. If he could just meet her one more time and apologize, or tell her he loves her, or anything... ]

I don't expect to be brought back to life or anything like that. I don't even deserve this much... But that's my wish. Whatever ending can give me that is the one I want.

[...

he's a little surprised at hikage's honesty. he also has no idea how to respond to it just yet, so he focuses on business.]

The four endings, short of finding one outside of what the Crafters tell us, are:

One, either the hero or villain faction gets wiped out.

Two, there has to be a certain number of survivors from each faction, as well enough objectives completed from each. This is to ensure we have enough ink to revive the dead and be sent back home... though that's assuming Dragon is telling us the truth.

Three, we might be able to revive the dead, but there won't be enough ink to send us all back, so we'll all be stuck here forever, I guess.

Four—though we've gathered enough ink that this won't happen anymore—the dead stay dead, and we're all stuck here, and this castle becomes like the Other Side. Which, so far as I've been told, is kind of miserable.

[ he listens quietly and sips his sake as Belph reveals this to him - all new information to his ears. When he gets to the fourth option, his eyes narrow a little bit, and he feels thankful - genuinely - that it can't happen anymore. ]

... It is. Nothing ever changes. The sun never shines, and every night, there's freezing rain that never lets up. You either forget who you are or you become a monster consumed by the despair of losing your life.

[ obviously, this is a subject he knows very well. Hikage has to assume he knows more about death than anyone else in the castle. ]

What about you? Which ending do you want?

Edited 2018-07-15 04:46 (UTC)

... Does it matter to you?

[ he thinks about that for a few seconds. ]

It does.

[ he doesn't want to go back home. he doesn't particularly want to stay here forever, either... but if Belph and some others were with him, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. It would definitely be better than the other mansion. ]

... I intend to revive the dead. And, to send everyone else back home.

[though there might be one or two keywords in there.]

You can laugh if you want.

[he knows it's disgustingly naive.]

If I laughed at that, I'd be a hypocrite.

[ he had that same wish once - to revive the dead. That was how he ended up in this mess in the first place.

But he does have one problem. ]

Why wouldn't you go back home?

[he just continues to smile the same somber—self-deprecating, almost—smile.]

... There's nothing left for me back there. I'm done.

[and he's already used a wish to clean up the one major loose end he's left behind. if it's really been granted, at least.]

I've asked the Crafters about going to a different world instead, if I survive this, but they said they'll get back to me later. Otherwise...

[he shrugs. he doesn't know what he'll do.]

[ he remembers the girl from Belph's memory again - Elcia. Maybe he really was serious about never seeing her again. He finds it hard to believe that he's okay with that - perhaps because Hikage has such a hard time letting go, himself.

Again, however, he doesn't ask, because he doesn't know how. Without context, how can he possibly guess at what happened between them? ]

You're the same as me, then. I can't go back to that place. [ he takes another drink. ] Maybe you could go to my Earth. In the memories I've seen, it doesn't look like a bad place to live nowadays.

[he sips at his drink.]

... Well, we'll see. I'm pretty tired of everything, to be honest. This place is just my last attempt to do something worthwhile with my life.

[ he's intimately familiar with that feeling, considering it's been building in his heart for the past two weeks or so. Hikage doesn't understand why he's still here. Now that he remembers, he understands even more that he shouldn't be.

And yet, despite understanding that emotion so distinctly, he doesn't like to hear Belph say that. ]

Don't throw your life away. [ rare is it for him to take the optimistic position - yet here he is. ] Death is painful. I remember how scared I was. Even though I was the one killing myself...

[ at the time, he'd thought it would be worse to live. Now, he doesn't know. ]

Is your existence that miserable?

.. Well, it depends on what kind of person you are, I suppose.

[his uncle, after all, is thriving in this lifestyle.]

A lot of people would probably kill to be in my position. It's just not the life I wanted for myself.

[ that sounds kind of familiar, too, although maybe not in the same way. for a time, he had lived a wealthy lifestyle, thanks to his parents. Perhaps he was beaten and abused, but he could eat, and he had shelter when it rained. ]

You never talk about your life.

[ Hikage says it in a way that says he wants to know; after a brief pause, he continues. Maybe the sake is setting in now... ]

... I used to be able to read people's hearts with this eye. [ he gestures to his right eye; he concentrates, briefly, and feels it turn red with heat again. ] I used it to find out the best ways to hurt them. But now that there's someone whose heart I'm actually interested in, I've lost that power... How pathetic.

Edited 2018-07-15 06:39 (UTC)

[... you know, if it weren't for the fact that belph's pretty sure hikage's crushing on steph, that would almost sound like a love confession.

anyway.

he's quiet for a while, sipping more at his drink. the alcohol hasn't hit him—he can take a lot more than this. which is for the best, since he really doesn't want to get inebriated around hikage, of all people.]

It's really not that interesting.

[...]

You know how humanity lives underground in my time, right? My family's responsible for that, though most aren't aware. We're the ones who ruined the world, for the sake of ruling it.

... Well, that was before I was born.

[ it's a platonic love confession... bro!!

also, if that's Belph's definition of "not that interesting," he must have incredibly high standards. There isn't much that can surprise Hikage anymore; still, he arches an eyebrow. ]

Do you feel guilty about it? You shouldn't.

... I don't feel guilty about the past.

[maybe he did as a child, when he discovered the truth. but in the end, what's done is done.]

Still, greed doesn't end, you know? It's never enough for some people...

[it might not make much sense out of context; he's talking more to himself. his tone is distant for a moment, before he returns to reality.]

The fact of the matter is that I'm one of them now, whether I want to be or not, and I benefit from their current regime. My entire life's been built on their corruption.

[well, hikage might be able to understand. chances are, he knows very well how shitty rich people are.]

You can't choose who your parents are.

[ he would know. Even without context, he can understand the gist of what Belph means; bits and pieces of his memories continue to return in a trickle as he talks about them, his head stinging. Those with money are never satisfied. They'd let a little girl die without her medication rather than part with a tiny fraction of their wealth.

His face wrinkles in distaste; he feels the old anger bubbling up inside of him, and it feels strangely cathartic. It's been so long... since he was angry about this. ]

Life is unfair that way. [ even so... ] But you have a chance to live a different life now.

[ a pause. ]

Everyone keeps telling me that, anyway... It shouldn't be any different for you.

Edited 2018-07-16 02:48 (UTC)

Funnily enough ["funnily"], I don't think my parents were bad people. I'm pretty sure my dad killed himself because he couldn't take it anymore.

[cheery thought! belph says it breezily enough, at least.]

... Well, we'll see. I don't know what I'll do if I return home—the entire world is under my family's influence, after all.

[ That's not something Hikage can begrudge his dad for when he did the same thing. Despite wishing to know more about Belph, he finds himself with depressingly little to say about what he shares now that he's learning about him. He's never good at these things. Luckily for him, he's sure that Belph isn't seeking comfort or pity from him either. ]

You don't have to go home.

[ he doesn't know where else they could go, but there has to be another place, right? Hikage doesn't realize that he's starting to include himself in this third option, too. He takes another drink, then shakes his head. ]

... You're a depressing person to drink with.

[in a way, belph has thought a lot about his fate after this game, and not a lot at all. he doesn't say any of that to hikage, though.]

Guess we're both very un-cheery people to drink with, then!